Showing posts with label mental illness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mental illness. Show all posts

Tuesday, October 10, 2017


The most humorous and the least likely to succeed they said,
As they voted, huddled together, in Larkspur;
Like conspirators defining the lines on my palm.
I stand here looking back at the blur,
The blur my life may have been;
And all I can do is think to myself, did I make her laugh enough?

Plump, alone and craving her smile,
I put on a voice, a funny one I’d like to think,
And looked her way, did I make her laugh at all?
I put on another voice and another and another.
That is where it all started,
No, not in Larkspur- it began my dear
In my very own Windy City, decades back.

Computer games and video games,
They came and they went;
The voices, they grew;
They grew every day, in numbers
And in tone.

One little spark of madness, a gift I treasured,
Was it really the source of all the gladness?
Or was it what spread in to darkness?
One little spark of madness, I wouldn’t lose it,
This I said to myself, I’ll admit.

Between “The World According to Garp” and “Mork and Mindy”
I had to say goodbye to my good friend… John
At Chateau Marmont Hotel in Angeltown.
As I made you laugh and drew you in to the center of
The narratives of “Patch Adams” and “Bicentennial Man”
I had to lend my voice for “Blame Canada” for a missing Mary.

One little spark of madness, a gift or a curse?
One little spark of madness, I wouldn’t lose it,
This I said to myself, I’ll admit.

The world seems dark,
But I will fight it out.
Yes, I think I will.
The voices grow, louder and louder;
Fighting loud whispers and strange tongues
All I can do is think to myself, did I make her laugh enough?
Did I make you laugh enough?

  1. The reference to John is John Belushi (Robin Williams and Robert De Niro were the last stars to see John Belushi alive, albeit on separate visits to Bungalow #3 of the Chateau Marmont Hotel in Los Angeles on the day Belushi died of a drug overdose in March 1982.)
  2. Mary refers to Mary Kay Bergman. When "Blame Canada", a song from South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut (1999), was nominated for a Best Song Academy Award, it was Robin Williams who performed the song at the ceremony because the actress who sang the song in the film, Mary Kay Bergman, had committed suicide a few months prior to the awards show.

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

The World Seems Dark

"The world seems dark!" He said to himself.
"They'll never understand you." They whispered in his ears.
"I will fight it out!" He shouted aloud.
"They don't need you." The whispers continued.
"They do love me." He said silently.
"You are just a burden on them." The voices grew louder.
"They will be better off without me." He silently gave up.

He walked for miles and reached a cross-road;
He sat on the side and looked up at the sky.
The sun shone bright behind dark clouds.
All he could see was the darkness in the clouds.

She walked up to him, slowly, purposefully...
She lifted him up toward the sky;
Took him beyond the dark clouds.
There it was... cotton candy clouds;
White, pure and glowing.
"This is just one side of the brightness."
"The other side is gloomy, I agree." She sang to him.

Back at the cross-road, he looked up at the sky.
He saw the glow around the dark clouds;
Bright light fighting its way around the gloom.
He smiled and continued on a road that beckoned him.
He walked on under cool shaded trees...
Over dried, fallen leaves.

"The world seems bright!" He said to himself.
"And I will walk on." He sang aloud.

NOTE: This is my small dedication to Robin Williams, a talented actor who is said to have lost his life battling depression. 
Please stay connected with people who care about you so they are able to raise red flags if they notice anything wrong with you especially your moods et al.
Please stay connected with people you care about so you can watch out for them and raise red flags when you notice anything wrong with them. 
Depression is a disease and needs to be accepted and treated holistically. No one likes to be depressed but it is a condition. Luckily there is treatment available and somewhere the perception towards mental illness is changing for the better.

I am not qualified to diagnose depression but my life has taught me to look out for my loved ones.
My learning has been to look for some or all of these tell-tale signs - constant talk of feeling hopeless and/or useless, change in appetite (eat too much and constantly or eat seldom and very little), insomnia or too much sleep (thereby increasing the feeling of hopelessness) and signs of very very low self-esteem.