Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Letter To A Daughter

You give me wings but...
I like being here on land with you.
You give me dreams but...
I am happy being your reality.

You give me light but...
I like keeping you safe when it's dark.
You give me laughter but...
I am happy when my eyes well up in pride.

Thank you my baby,
for choosing me!
Your mother I'll be,
most joyfully!

Monday, October 11, 2010

Just a Story - Chapter 1

Sayoni could still taste the blood in her mouth, her nostrils filled with the stench of blood. The memory was vague, the images distant but the blood still felt real. She sat staring outside the window for what seemed like ages. She had no consciousness of activities around her and the people around her. She was alone in her world.

Now, the taste of chocolate melting in her mouth, the bitter sweet smell filling her being. A half smile passed her lips, a slight twinkle in her eyes, a flicker of memory. And then, nothing.

Two days later, an image crossed her mind. One with a beach, the sounds of happiness, laughter and cheer. Blank again.

Three months later, singing; a familiar voice. Again a spark of memory, an involuntary half smile and yes, that twinkle in her eyes. Staring out the window. The colours seemed to have changed, a whiff of the smell of rain on mud. One more memory. The taste of blood, her nostrils filled with the stench of blood. A scream, so close to her! Numb.

A year later, no window to stare out of. Just the ceiling and a fan. The fan, grey in colour. Memory of a grey sky. A shadow passed by a pair of eyes. A familiar image. The sounds of panting. The pair of eyes again, this time a different expression in them. They were trying to say something. Silence again. Alone in her world.


She got up with a start. Wet palms. Sweaty eyebrows and complete disorientation. She glanced at the clock by her bed. 03:15 A.M. “oh, now I can’t go back to sleep” she thought to herself.
She stepped out and lit a cigarette. The red ashes burning at the tip of her cigarette, gave her a relief. Relief she couldn’t define to herself. “can’t wake the neighbours” she thought to herself and puffed away silently. She had had a bad dream. What it was all about, she couldn’t recall. She felt her heart pounding! “Something bad is going to happen today” she thought to herself.

“Calm down! Try to recall your dream, stupid woman…”She couldn’t! She gave up. Stubbed her cigarette half way through and went back indoors.

“Oh damn! Where’s the sleep when you want it?!” she looked at the clock 04:35. “might as well get up now.” She pulled herself out of her bed and began silently preparing her coffee. Black! That’s the only way she liked it. “was this again about mama and what she had been through?”

“Why do I have to go through this all the time? Preeta was there too, why doesn’t she have the same restless life that I do?”

“Gotta see mama tomorrow. It’s been almost a week. The doc had said the more regular the visits, the better the chances of mama getting back her life.”

By the time Sureni was ready, all bathed and in crisp white clothes, it was 7AM. She had almost killed herself with her thoughts these past 3 waking hours.

She drove to the hospital, half conscious of the roads or the traffic. It was a routine for her. Once she reached the hospital, she calmly reached for her visitor’s pass and showed it to the guy at the gate, who was obviously ogling at her. She had long given up trying to dress conservatively for her bi-weekly visits to the hospital. It didn’t make a damn difference to the assholes anyway. She now dressed as she felt like when she woke up any morning. To hell with their hormones and their problem dealing with it!

She could sense the guy sizing her up but she just stayed focused and drove through the driveway to the parking lot.

Mama was lost, as usual. One of her old songs came to Sureni’s mind and she began to hum it faintly, knowing fully well that mama didn’t care a damn. She couldn’t even hear her or even be aware that someone she knew was around her.

Sureni continued the singing till after lunch time. “Got to get across to her” the motivations were selfish. It wasn’t about mama that she cared about but she couldn’t explain away her insomnia since the incident. It was almost four years and not a thing had changed, yet so much had changed! She still got up in the middles of the night unaware of the nightmare that caused her to wake up. Her mama was still locked up in her own world, unwilling to break free!!


Preeta was her chirpy self. She left her office building in her red sedan. The music was loud and it was one of her favourite songs gonna get it right this time… some people they go for second best… not me!

She smiled as she sang, slowing down at the traffic lights. She put down her window and adjusted the mirror. “Ah! That’s better.” Started the car and she chose the longer path to the hospital today.

“Hello Doc! You are looking handsome as usual” Preeta openly flirted with him. “He is kinda cute…” she thought, “but not my type.” I won’t settle for second best she smiled.

“So, how’s my mama faring? I hope you aren’t getting used to having her here?” Preeta joked. He looked up at her with a puzzled expression. “oh! Chill doc, I’m just bugging you” she flitted off to mama’s ward, so full of life and humming a tune “Mmmm… mmmm… mmmm…”

“Hi mama! Stop sitting there and staring at the rains… you should be out there getting drenched!”

“Oh well! You are growing awfully boring with age… huh! I’ll soon tire of coming and seeing you if you go on like this.”

She opened the paper bag and laid out the contents on the only table in the room, by the wall. Two cups of coffee – one black and one cappuccino, two slices of banana walnut cake, some tissues and a tall glass of mango juice. “That should tempt mama hopefully.”
“How I wish things were back the way they were. Even if mama’s memory improves, things will never be the same. In fact the boat will rock once more. The Pandora’s box will re-open… oh God! Make it stop. Stop Preeta!! Things are fine the way they are. Get back into your world… put that smile back on your face.”

She turned with the cup of black coffee in her hands, “Mama this coffee smells heavenly” she said. “You should get your cup before it gets cold.”

“Ah! You are still ignoring me huh? How long will you pretend that you don’t hear me or see me? If you seriously think this will discourage me from coming and seeing you then you are definitely right! This is the last time and this time I mean it!”

She looked at mama and though she saw a slight smile, and then gone! Was it there? Or was it just her imagination? Talk Preeta, talk… say something.

“I love these summer showers! You remember mama, how we used to rush out in the rain… just you and me… barefoot and giggling? Oh yes, you giggle more like a little girl than me. But you were pretty much a little girl, weren’t you? Well, most of the times at least.”

“Sureni could never understand the joys that we felt just dancing in the rain, losing all inhibitions.”

“Mama, we should be out there” she said sipping on the coffee, she could hardly taste. Her words choked her, and her eyes welled up. She remembered that fateful day. It was raining then too. Not this summer rain kind of rain. It was almost a storm that night. The rain was so loud that it muted the radio. She had walked up to the system and increased the volume. The RJ was doling out some inane trivia about some band… how every member in the band wore opposite footwear while on a particular tour. She had found it funny then and smiled. “Stop it Preeta! Stop it! You don’t have to relive that day everyday. YOU need to be in this hospital, not mama. Mama is surely putting on a brilliant act of losing her memory. She was always a great actor.”

She walked to the table, picked up a slice of cake and started nibbling on it. Reaching out with the other hand, she smoothed mama’s hair. “Mama, I know you can hear me and understand me. It’s taken me this past one year to understand but I need to tell you one thing… I know why you are doing this. You don’t need to mama. Trust me, you don’t need to. Sureni might have forgotten that day but not me. Be yourself mama and relieve me of this burden… of carrying this memory alone.” She almost gave in to her tears, just when Doctor Ketan walked in.


Just a Story - An Introduction

A little over 3 years back, in May 2007, I began writing a story. I didn't know if it would end up being a short story, a full-fledged book or just an unfinished thought in my mind. After a break of 2.5 years, last month I took up the story once again and realised that I still felt the thrill of writing this story.

To help me stay motivated and to continue writing this story, I thought I'd share the first bits I wrote and seek some encouragement and criticism from you guys. So here it is... in 3 parts, what I hope will be the first chapter to the book, if this ever turns out to be a book! Post your comments and please be brutal in your feedback... :)

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Silent Words

Words fail me,
Silence is my only friend.
These words that flow,
Oh! So silently,
Someday they’ll be sung.
For today, they’re just silent words.

Sing them for me, will you?
Not today, not tomorrow...
But someday, with music in your heart!

Lives will be lived,
New lives created.
With magic will your fingers move,
On that lonely guitar, standing there!

Strum this tune,
Oh! Hum these words.
These words to a silent song,
On a cloudy July night!

Remember these hands that wrote this song,
And smile for me; For these silent words.
Make them eternal, my dear,
These silent words,
These lonely fears!

Saturday, June 28, 2008

A No Song, Song

When I sat down to write this song,
I didn’t know where to begin.
I sat for a few seconds,
Put down the date and even the day;
I continued, not knowing the words,
Only coz I knew I wanted to write this song…
And to write it today.
I guess it turned out alright,
Else you wouldn’t be hearing this note.

So here I am, come to the end of this song,
A tune in my head and a spring in my step;
I am set once more, to face this world,
On my own steam, to find my own dream.

- 29th May, 2008 (Thursday)